and now BB’s whining…!

actually this ain’t a real post.

i just came back from HONG KONG saturday evening (oh, great opening to post a pic from my HK outing, keke! and yea, i’ll be blogging about it, but it’ll be over at my personal blog.)

anyway, was trying to catch up on work and stuff, and also trying to catch up on the postings on wuri yong joon whilst i was away.

guess most of you would have read THAT STAFF BLOG ABOUT HIS GORILLA OUTING ON SUNDAY, ya?

well, i was happy to read that he felt well enough to want to come out, and that he seemed to be in great spirits. yea, when he went all quiet after THAT NECK INJURY SCARE, we couldn’t help but worry. especially it seemed serious enough to halt all plans for him to show up more in DREAM HIGH.

(sidetrack alittle here… have you watched Dream High?

gotta ‘fess up, i haven’t. in fact, i was really of mixed minds about watching it, coz it didn’t quite seem the sort of storyline that i would enjoy.

besides, i hardly even know the cast. the three whom i can recognize are wuri yong joon, of course! and my hyun joong and JYP… yea, hardly helpful, I know…

but that said, the drama’s been getting rave reviews, not just from kpop music lovers who would obviously love a song-and-dance story like that, but even the non-kpop peeps were lapping it up! i’ve even heard of people who have gone so far as to call it their drama of the year. mind you, we’re only into our third month for this year, keke!

so… i’ve been enticed and intrigued enough to want to watch it. yea, i’ll be watching it pretty soon, once i get all those ‘catching-up on stuff’ out of the way.

if you haven’t watched Dream High, or if you weren’t planning to watch it, please pretty please reconsider, alrighty?)

back to wuri yong joon… where was i?

ahhh… talking about his sunday outing to gorilla with the keyeast staff and their families. remember the part where he was lamenting about how the staff are all younger than he is, and yet they’re all settled down and stuff?

that hint of loneliness has surfaced yet again, hasn’t it?

after reading that translation posted by our dear TOMATO, i’d started to pen a longish (what else did you expect..? hee…) email to her to share my thoughts. then i decided to just post my entire email here too… coz it’s basically just my rambling and whining. you know, stuff that i would usually post on my old blog if i still have it.

so, here goes…

read about the Gorilla outing… he sounds kindda lonely, ya? the part where he lamented about how the people younger than him all have families and stuff. i do feel sorry for him, you know? he obviously wants a family and is ready for a family; in fact, he seems to want to start his own family anxiously. it’s like he’s even been preparing himself to take complete and great care of a family, but but but

guess not everything in life happens the way we want it, or plan it.

we really don’t know what’s going on in his personal life, do we? and all those marriage rumours, and that one with LA NA YOUNG just wouldn’t go away. it’s probably because of how both their mothers are friends, maybe…? (and oh, just for the record, i like LNY, keke!)

anyway, all these years, surely he would have had some introductions and would have met some women. i mean, it’s no secret that he’s been wanting to settle down, so surely there’ll be people trying to set him up with ‘suitably qualified’ girls, right?

know what i think? me thinks he probably has dated some women these few years. so i’m curious… isn’t there someone, anyone… who stirs his heart (and loins too, hee!) and someone he wishes to settle down with? or maybe there is, just that the timing is not right or ripe for an official announcement yet?

but on the other hand, i also am not sure how i will feel if he does go and get married.

where does that leave me, or us, his fans…?

i used to wonder about this alittle. the bigger part of me truly wants him to be happy, and by that, it usually means find a woman he loves and who loves him, and let them form a perfect family together, yada yada yada. most of the time, i think i can be happy for him, i mean genuinely happy for him.

but i’ll be honest, there’s also this small (really tiny!) part of me that’s not so sure how i will REALLY feel if he’s really attached legally and emotionally to a woman, a wife. would i feel differently towards him? would it make a difference when i see his new pics and his new works?

in my imagination, i think i won’t be much affected and i just want him to be happy. after all, it’s not like he’s gonna take a second look at me, right? i don’t and have never kidded myself with anything like that, so please… no worries about me getting all delusional. it’s just that i’ve absolutely zero experience with liking a married actor, haha! so i’ve no idea at all how a married BYJ might make me feel.

oh, i don’t know… but i guess alot depends on whether he continues to work more actively or not. if he continues his super low profile like how he has done for the past couple of years, and doesn’t show up much… and with no new work for protracted periods of time, it really can be quite hard for fans to retain their keen and passionate interest, right?

and… there are also times when i wonder if we, the fans, mean anything to him at all. if we do, why doesn’t he even leave us a message or something?

c’mon, how hard is that?

he, after all, is someone who actually has penned enough words to publish a word.

i’m not even looking for a long love letter, just a short paragraph will make me very happy, just tell us what he’s up to, and tell us he thinks of us often.

is that so hard for him to do? i ain’t even asking for a video clip. so he doesn’t even have to make his way to the beauty salon to do up his hair and his face. he just have to boot up his notebook and type a couple of sentences. or in fact, he can even do away with the notebook and just use the iPad or his phone to give us a few lines.

and isn’t that what most other artists do too, no?

yea, yea, i know there’s gonna be people who will retort and say, ‘if you want that, then go like some other actor. YJ is different…’

hey, i know.

this is a fan who’s been around since 2002. in fact, this is my 10th(!!) year as a bae-fan. don’t you think i know by now how different he is from the rest? but still, i believe that a star is not a star if without fans.

and yes, i also understand all that jazz about unreal expectations, blah blah blah.

but hey, this is hardly unreal expectation. he doesn’t accept work regularly and can ‘disappear’ from both big and small screens for a few years; he doesn’t show up much in public; he doesn’t do fan meetings (not much outside of japan, anyway), and he doesn’t even so much as give us a couple of lines or greetings on his own official board…

so tell me, what are we fans supposed to hold out for?

of course, we should be understanding and we should be patient. and yes, we should know by now he’s like that, blah blah blah… but still, in one tiny corner of my heart, there’s a nagging voice asking softly, ‘doesn’t he care enough to just greet us?’

even if it’s something out of character for him, can’t he do it just for us…?

i understand perfectly as a fan, i cannot demand. after all, he didn’t ask me to be a fan and he didn’t ask of me to do anything for him. what i have done and still do, it’s my own choice and i’m supposed to live with the ‘outcome’. yes, i understand that i became and stay a fan out of my own accord.

i understand all of these very very very well.

but i just wonder, why can’t he just spoil us once in a looooooooong while and ‘reward’ us for our patience by leaving a message…?


anyway, instead of just sending this meaningless and whining passage out as an email to TOMATO, i’ve decided to just blog this entire thingy out. this was what i used to do on my old blog, right? i used to blog my heart out, and i’ve just decided that i do wish to carry over a teeny weeny bit of the old blog personality over…

ahhh… i feel better already. thanks for ‘listening’.

7 comments for “and now BB’s whining…!

  1. guapa
    March 9, 2011 at 9:17 AM

    Dear BB,
    Maybe if you can get inside other BYJ fan’s hearts and minds at this moment, you would also see fellow-whiners (suffering in silence?)! But just like you, incredibly patient, sensitive & beautiful whiners!

  2. ces
    March 9, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Hey BB,

    Just like what guapa said, if you can see inside other BYJ fans’ hearts, you’ll see fellow-whiners just like you. I hope YJ will see this so that he’ll understand what we’re going through right now.

    It has been a long time since his TWSSG (not considering his short appearance in Dream High) and we don’t see or hear much from him. We don’t even know how he’s doing right now after he was hospitalized and though we read some news that he is recovering, we don’t hear it from him. He said that he doesn’t want us to worry—(then YJ, can you send us a short letter saying that you’re okay now?)

    I understand you completely BB. *sighs*

    About Dream High, I was hooked from the moment I watched Epi 1 and was able to finish it til Epi 16 including the concert. At first I only watched it coz of YJ but it was really good. The story has a lot of twists and its drama and comedy at the same time and is unpredictable–well, what can we expect from YJ? He’s the creative producer and JYP even said in his letter that YJ developed his idea.

    And hands up for Kim Soo Hyun!–he’s really good both in acting and singing. KSH said during one of his interviews that YJ placed him under his supervision list. Hehe.

    Do watch DREAM HIGH. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it like I did. There’ll be moments that you’ll laugh so hard and there are moments that you’ll cry your heart out. :)

  3. khjphl
    March 9, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    i’ve been a fan since 2010. it’s nothing compared to your 8 years, bb! and to the other baebies out there… but i’ve come to love him as an actor and more so a total being. he has inspired me in so many ways.

    being a baebie, though, you’ll learn that there is certain space between him and the rest of the world. that i have come to accept eventually. I’m now just happy hearing he’s doing fine, at the peak of his health. I can only wish to accidentally meet him once in my lifetime but then again, just being at the places he has been or any of those associated with him is good enough for me.

  4. cloudnine
    March 9, 2011 at 10:38 PM

    Hi bb,

    bb’s good old rambling (or whining whatever), WELCOME BACK!

    As for D.H. I enjoyed it very much. It all started with my keen interest with our BYJ, then two other ajossi, finally the whole story. I love the songs so much that I bought it, hehe.

  5. Yee
    March 11, 2011 at 9:16 AM

    Hi BB,

    I love your rambling. I feel the same like you in some parts. He is like, reaching the top, no more fun and excitement like while he was climbing and now he is lost. So he needs to start a new journey to share his wealth, fame and success with his life companion, the one he loves and loves him. I wish him all the best.
    He reminds me of the character in my favorite “Shall we dance”, once you are settled with what you’ve worked hard for, you have no idea what to do next. Please forgive me with my rambling about “shall we dance” again. I am still wishing for him to re-make that movie, hee …


  6. summer2010
    March 11, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    Well, BB, have you posted your thoughts on his official website? Would you like him to know?
    To Yee, I think acting is one of the most creative jobs. BYJ has done a great job creating various characters. In one of his recent interview, he sounded like he was still interested in acting, but he just didn’t get job offers. I’d say his agent should work hard on that. Even better, his company should create jobs for him and other members. I’m sure they have the money to produce anything.
    Of course, at this time, his priority is his health. We shall see what happens in a year or two. We hope for the best, of course!

  7. March 11, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    Somewhere deep inside me, hiding image…
    Only in the sense that he is hiding there, trembling heart ….
    It’ s hidden, but is so clear, clearer than the purest water.
    Thoughts paint the eyes, face, hands ………….. everything.
    Wherever I turn, I see you – one that is hidden in me!
    Why? Why there? How come? Why I’m ready for you … on everything?
    Why to your image, I’m impotent?
    Whatever it began, and where to go, I see you again and again, and again!
    I know who you are! I hear your voice! I know your name! I know all about you!
    Did you know about me as much as I for you …..?
    I wonder why it appears? You are different, remote ….. Why? What happened?
    What did you do to me? Is it magic ……. not ……… nooo …….no … I don’t know! What’s this!?!
    Your eyes are like shining beads, your hair is like velvet, your hands are like delicate spring flowers …. Smile …. lustrous – beautiful beads! Continue to paint you ….
    You, you’re there, hidden deep in my heart!
    You are away, but I feel you close to me …. You close to me now and forever!
    Your warmth awakens me morning …… spoiled me tonight, and your shadow chasing me.
    I can’t even touch you, but I feel your touch … Even I search you …
    I was trying to remove this image a thousand times ….. I didn’ t succeed, and continue to have no power to remove the ladder you from my heart!
    In trying to delete your gentle image, even realized that we are the same …. Kind thoughts, work, communication …. even have the same blood group and month of birth ……. again all …
    Your loneliness is mine, your sorrow is my …………………………
    Your wishes – I want to execute them all!
    Your dreams – I want to implement them together!
    Your eyes – I want can see through them! When you cry, I cry ….
    I want to drink your tears, make you smile, to rise again the sun, which is hidden by some insult!
    I want to see the radiant face and hear your soft voice that is able to melt and the strongest ice!
    I want to hear your laugh, and I need to laugh with you!
    I want to withdraw your grief and pain and to wash away somewhere far from where there will not be back to open wounds in your soul!
    I feel your joy! I need your happiness – and it will be mine!
    I need to take care for you as a parent takes care of the firstborn son!
    I want to be yours, only yours ……. Actually, I’m already yours! Take from me that, what you want, what you need! Without heart, because it is already yours!
    It’ s hard, too much, perhaps maybe I want too much … But that’s all I can do – want, because my words would hardly come to you, even they reach to you, you will not hear them, like as I want …
    You – beautiful, beloved, who is there – in my heart …….
    This, for whom I live, breathe, dream!
    You’re all for me! Even if I don’ t want to have you, because you are in me!
    Why? Who drew this fate?
    Who seal this image?
    With what I earned, my every sense to wait you, wants you to dream and only you?
    This is my confession …..

    For my Yonsama
    With love
    Your Mikino

    When you love someone, you want his happiness. He iss all about you!
    Since the beginning of his career, I am with him in thought, and he is in my heart, though live halfway around the planet.
    I don’t hold you, to know which one woman will connect your life, but strongly hope she understands it – is not easy to be known, they chase the paparazzi, the fans you seek news media and the misuse of false information. The woman beside him must be strong and to support him, to take care of it and loves it!
    Love, Mikino

Leave a Reply